How to manage a person who identifies as bi-gender? – workplace.stackexchange.com #JHedzWorlD
I am asking for a friend. The situation will take place in the northern Europe should this matter.
My friend is a manager in a multinational company and manages team of ~15 people. He has hired a high-skilled and ambitious software engineer who’ll start working on his team in a few days. The new hire identifies as bigender. My friend throughout his career has only managed cisgender people so he has no experience working alongside a bigender person. This is stressing him out because he would like to avoid any gender issues in his office.
He would like to prepare the team members as well as possible and at the same time he would like a new person to feel welcomed in the office. Therefore he seeks for a hints how to manage this person but he also has some specific questions:
Is it professional to ask the new hire’s preferred pronoun (“he/she/…”)? If it is not, what pronoun should the manager use when talking about the new hire? The official language in the office is English.
The toilets in the company for a women and men are on a different sides of the hallway. When giving the tour through the office which toilets/bathroom should he show to the new hire? Or would it be the best to arrange a new toilet and showers room for “other genders”?
Some after-the-work events in the company are only for a specific gender (i.e. “Geek Girls Night”). Should the new hire be invited to this kind of events?
Your friend is overthinking this way too much.
This is a “highly skilled and ambitious software engineer?” – I think they can figure out the bathrooms for themselves. I think if there are “general announcements” about “Geek Girls” events, this person can decide for themselves if they want to attend.
I’ve worked with a few people over the years who didn’t “conform” to the M/F designations. They honestly were FAR more concerned about work than about their gender issues while at work. Your friend should be, too. Just worry about work. The rest is barely relevant.
If anything, your friend should just say, “We want you to be happy working here. We want you to feel comfortable being here. If I’m doing anything that is making you uncomfortable in how I refer to you, please let me know.” Let it go at that. If they’re managing right, your friend will spend more time worrying about their billing codes than about their gender pronouns.
I’m a bigender person, and I was browsing Stack Overflow when I saw this. It is 100% okay to ask a person their pronouns, and it would be disrespectful to not ask and end up using the wrong ones.
The bigender community, while very small, is exceedingly diverse, and many say that no two bigender people can agree on the exact definition of of bigender. Consequently, I can’t know exactly what bigender means for your new employee. So, I’m just going to give a few tips and recommendations.
Even if your new employee has pronouns that you haven’t heard of before, or think seem strange (for a while I alternated between he/him and she/her on a daily basis) make sure that you and your existing employees respect that and use their chosen pronouns. If someone slips up they can quickly apologize and move on: everyone makes mistakes.
Also, please don’t make a big deal of restroom usage — have a quick conversation (or don’t, this may be situation dependent, or your new hire might ask about this) with your new employee and a HR representative, and affirm that they can use the restroom with which they are most comfortable. (I chose to use the restroom one floor down so that if there was confrontation, it wouldn’t be with anyone on my immediate team. Your new employee may want that or may want to use the restroom on the same floor because it’s more convenient). Really, your new hire will likely be there less than five minutes probably less than twice a day, so what does it really matter?
Importantly, don’t “out” your new employee to the existing employees without discussing it with your new hire first. Many people have different comfort levels about being out, and it can be a source of conflict, so respect them if they want to stay in the closet.
Regardless, you hired a software engineer, so treat your new employee as you would your other employees — respectfully, like humans. Bigender people are not too much different than a male, female, non-white, glasses-wearing, or any other person, so it really shouldn’t be a big deal.
My opinion, although I’m no expert, is that he should treat that person just like any other employee, except maybe for asking whether (s)he prefers to be addressed as a he or she (although this should become apparent from the way (s)he dresses, I would imagine).
Don’t make assumptions about their gender identity – simply establish a dialogue, and don’t make a big deal out of it.
This being Northern Europe we’re talking about I think most people would be quite progressive in their views, so hopefully that won’t be a problem. As far making an announcement that a bi-gender person will be joining the them, I think you might be walking on thin ice. I mean, if you were annoucing a new employee you wouldn’t necessarily mention the gender (the name would imply it). Publicly stating that “Person X, who is bigender, will be joining us” could be considered discrimination by some people. Maybe find some mroe subtle way of expressing that, or, better yet, let the newcomer handle this him/herself
That being said, I think your friend should read up on how such people view themselves in the workplace, and inform himself about their view of the world (read blogs, of which there are tons). Not saying this person will need special treatment, but it’s always better to be prepared than not.
Other pointers:
Regarding the washroom “issue”: why even worry about it? Simply point out the women’s washroom, and the men’s. Let this person decide which one (s)he wants to use. Done. The only potential problem is if this person flip-flops between the two, and other people become uncomfortable, but that’s not a problem yet, and hopefully won’t ever be one.
As far as the gender specific events are concerned, you should, again, wait and see how this person identifies, and then go from there. Don’t make a big deal out of it until it’s actually a problem (which hopefully it won’t be).
I do believe it is appropriate to ask how this new employee prefers to be addressed if the new hire has made their status known directly (Just to make sure that the statement about how the new hire self-describes was in the context of the hire disclosing to the manager, that this isn’t from the manager snooping this person’s facebook, or other indirect means).
Beyond that, the best way for the manager to show that he wants this person to be happy and comfortable in the office is to ask directly if there are any accommodations that they require coming into the workplace. Rarely does anyone know the needs of an individual better than the person in question. This should not focus on the person being bigendered as need is not specific to being bigendered; it allows people to raise issues with allergies, ergonomics, etc., which may effect their ability to be effective in the workplace.
The manager should not ‘prepare’ the rest of the team in any way before speaking to the new employee about their need for accommodation – as it may include things like “I chose to disclose my status to you, but would prefer to keep it private from my coworkers”, “I don’t want any changes to the office environment that would make me seem different to my peers”.
First of all, as other answers have stated, they’re a human being, and there’s no reason to treat them differently or act differently around them because of their unique identity as a human being.
On the safe side and before the new hire clears it up (as they likely will), it’s safest to stick to the singular “they” pronoun, which is widely accepted among the English-speaking LGBTQ+ community as completely gender-neutral and thus safe in all situations.
It is always respectful and highly appreciated to ask what pronouns should be used to refer to a transgender person, if they don’t tell you straightaway.
If your friend’s building / organisation is old enough that there are no unisex single-occupant restrooms, then it’s again more than likely the new hire will already know which bathroom they’re most comfortable using — it’s not really anyone’s business, anyways.
Hopefully, the locale in question has provisions such that transgender people can use whichever restroom makes them most comfortable.
Again, this is mostly up to the person’s comfort level, and it would be most beneficial to ask them (without interrogating them) which events they’d prefer or feel comfortable at.
Remember, the new hire will more than likely want it to be a non-topic and non-issue, which also means respecting their privacy and comfort zones so they can get to work writing code and making money. 🙂
Generally, you manage them as you would manage any other individual. You ask what they prefer to be called and how they prefer to be referred to, and try to honor that request. You let them tell you if they have any other special needs and try to find ways to accommodate those in the workplace. You help the other employees do likewise, and mediate conflicts that arise (with assistance from HR and from anyone knowledgeable you can find).
Most of the adjustments are no larger than if you had an employee who was very observant in a religion you didn’t know much about. You learn as you go, and you figure out what the company can do to make this person reasonably comfortable and productive while letting everyone else continue to be reasonably comfortable and productive.
Simply respecting each other as human beings goes a long way.
Re the toilets: This may not be an issue, depending on the individual’s status. I am guessing that someone who is bi-gender (as opposed to transgendered) would feel OK using the facilities that match their current body configuration, in which case it’s no different from the gay employees you probably already have. If their identity actively disagrees with their anatomy, things could become a bit more complicated and you may need to work a bit to find an acceptable solution.
This is definitely a HR & legal nightmare. No matter how the situation gets resolved, someone will not be happy. I personally think lawyers need to be consulted first, as “you” will want to protect your company from lawsuits from the bigender employee and other employees.
On a personal level, just treat this person as any other person. Dont make a big deal out of their sexuality and they will be far more comfortable. Im sure he/she is used to confusion and correcting people as necessary for the terms, etc, that they prefer.
How to manage a person who identifies as bi-gender? – workplace.stackexchange.com #JHedzWorlD
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